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Symbols n Memories...

Today I was in this lazy mood (not surprisingly if u know me!!) not wanting to do anything. I was fumbling with my mobile and the thought occured that I could change my ringtone! I started browsing my list of Tamil song tunes.. While I came across one particular ringtone, I realized I was going through a thousand disturbing emotions! Emotions that made me feel gloomy and dull! It took me few seconds to realize that the tune was invoking sad memories of my initial few days at B-School!!

My admission came as a last minute surprise (rather a bonanza as mentioned in one of my previous blogs) and I had barely any time to even mentally prepare myself for the new world I would be submitting myself to for the next 2 years. Most of my batchmates had landed 2 weeks before I got a chance to step into this place and the ice had kind of broken amongst them! I had the feeling of being left behind the crowd which trying to overpower me. But then I knew it was a matter of time and I could adjust myself in a week's time. Then came a series of bad or rather sad news.. my brother down with jaundice, my grandfather's disappearance after losing his way in a train journey, people back home tensed regarding the issue.. I had no one to talk to and felt like running back home! The initial 10 days were tough and this particular ringtone was what my mobile sported during those times. I eagerly looked forward to calls from my near and dears & everytime my mobile sang this tone, my heart would swell with feelings. So here it was, once again causing an emotional turmoil inside me every time I heard it.

I distanced myself from my cellphone and sat back wondering how few things we never give importance to bring memories and emotions back so strongly!! Reflecting back, there's one more sound that puts me in an emotional chaos. That's the shrill noise of a peacock! Quite a coincidence.. this noise reminds of my first few days at graduation college! 3 days after my parents left me behind in this place thousands of miles away from my hometown, I was down with fever! Temperature running high, I had to put myself to rest. While everyone around went to attend classes I was sitting all alone in my room's balcony with a plate of bread and jam in hand & a longing for mom's care in heart! Probably my college is the only place where one can find peacocks roaming around as common as stray dogs! So while I was sitting in the balcony drooling in self pity there were these bunch of peacocks causing cacophony with their shill, loud voice! They were disturbing my privacy, intruding my thoughts. Not unpredictably from that day, unconsciously I had started associating this terrible noise to those sad days...

Till this day, I stay away from a peacock's noise. Today, I deleted this ringtone from my mobile.. in an effort to forget the sad memories of the past! Let the symbols of the present only remind of the good and let the bad be drowned with the past!

Random thoughts...

A month bak I was talking to a friend on phone and he asked me if I was planning to work after marriage. I was shocked beyond words... Man, would I work all my way up to studying in a premier B-school just to end up sitting at home!! A week back I was chit-chatting with 2 of my friends here. We kinda landed up in this discussion regarding career n gals.

One of them belongs to a conservative religion and community. She was telling us that when she got admit to this B-school her relatives were rather cynical about her studying further! The reason - it is difficult to get a qualified guy in the same community once she finishes studying. Thinking about it, if not for my parents being educated, same would have been my case. Some of my friends who were bright students while at school and some even toppers during graduation, got married at 20 and 21 due to parental pressure. Naturally they go to any damn place their spouse is situated in... and career is the last thing on mind then! Sad to see many intelligent minds being arrested in the name of marriage!

I came across an ad in a matrimonial column - "The guy wants a gal who is very fair, beautiful, good-looking, a post graduate and is willing to be a housewife"!! Leaving aside the complexion part, y wud someone want his wife to be a post graduate if he is not willing to let her work. It is a different case if the gal choses not to work. Talking about the complexion-craziness, if I may call so, a look at the matrimonial column would vouch for the fact that every guy wants a model for a life-partner! Even better, there was a recent ad seeking a 'British-white' girl in India!!

Am no female-chauvinist and my opinions here are directed towards the society and not the Indian male. I personally know of guys whom I respect for their opinions and empathy towards Indian women. One thing's for sure... the society is fast changing throwing the MCPs out of fashion. Attitudes and opinions should be influenced at the root level. The society is changing for the better and I'm sure me & a thousand women of the present will raise our sons to be the men that we desire the society to be filled with!